worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
