the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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