Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
