i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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