Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
