I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
