Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
