Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
