Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
