Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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