You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
