i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
