just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
