You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
