A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need to sanitize my soul.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
