i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
