You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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