ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
