I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
