Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
