Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
