i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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