Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
