Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
