In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
