I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i have two assholes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
