The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
