you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
