Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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