I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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