I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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