and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
