hotel room ftw
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
