You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
