1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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