I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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