So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
