A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
