Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
