Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
