Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
