You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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