shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
