It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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