it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
