I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
