I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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