In America we eat man semen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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