I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
