No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
