im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
