Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
