hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
